Saturday, 26 April 2014

This one is gonna be hard to do. It's cold and miserable outside. The sun has been hiding. I've been in a foul mood all day. My house has been sharing the never ending cold. Coughing and stuffy noses all around.
I have no real words today. All I can come up with is grrrrrr.

Friday, 25 April 2014

The love

I am curious. What is a normal amount of affection for a family to show? In my house, there is no such thing as too many hugs and kisses. One of my children says "I love you" at least twice an hour. My husband and I hold hands when we go out (or watching tv) and we've been together 18 years.
Then I see families who give high-fives and strictly observe personal space.

Am I doing my kids a disservice by letting them be too affectionate? Am I setting them up for hurt feelings bullying?

I couldn't imagine pushing my child away when they are coming for a hug. There is no "private bubble" when my kids are around. More often than not they are on me. Climbing, jumping or just sitting. We tickle, and pretend to eat each others noses and ears.

Is there an affection Baseline? We may be way above it, but I have a hard time seeing that as a bad thing.

Thursday, 24 April 2014


What shall I write today? I had several good ideas throughout the day, totally forgotten now.
I was so happy today that the rain has washed the dust off all the trees. I actually saw some green grass today. Spring is finally coming, and I couldn't be happier. It's been a long, cold winter. I'm very much looking forward to getting my garden in. Four weeks left! Seeds have been bought. A few seedlings started. I'm so excited to see green things grow.

Wednesday, 23 April 2014

And 2

Second day of challenging myself and I keep staring at the clock. Time is tick tick ticking and I need to find words before the day turns.
Instead I'm occupying myself with Netflix and Dr. Who.

It was rainy and cold today. Kids are sleeping . I should be too. Full day tomorrow, spending a good bit of it at my kids school. I don't really mind volunteering there. I've been a stay at home mother for quite a few years now. The occasional day out helping at the school makes me feel like I'm contributing something more.It's not that I think being a mother isn't important, of course I do, but somedays it can be rather...unfulfilling. There are other words I could use to explain just how much I (love) what I do every day, but those can wait for another day.

Tuesday, 22 April 2014

Day 1

Already I feel like i'm at a loss.
I am awkward. I am a homebody, simply because I have a hard time being myself in a group of people. It's not that I don't like people, I do, but for some reason I have a hard time believing they will like me as well. So I end up not being myself. Even putting it in words here, I keep hitting backspace.
"What if someone reads it and judges me?" Seems a silly thing to worry about, no?
I try so hard to be as I am, without worrying about how everyone else sees me.

Monday, 21 April 2014


I used to write.
Poems. Journal entries. Feelings scribbled on the corner of a scrap piece of paper.
If I felt it, I wrote it down.
I can't remember the last time I did that. Even this blog is much neglected. I am older now, so I obviously don't carry that teen angst that demanded an outlet. But now I feel like I'm losing words. My life revolves around dishes and laundry and breaking up my kids fights.
Words which I could, at one time, fling about effortlessly are now a struggle to find.
Where I used to find joy and comfort with a pen and a blank piece of paper, I now find a struggle to pen more than a shopping list.
It's worse using a computer. It seems like the cursor is mocking me every time it blinks.
I am going to challenge myself.
For one week I will write here daily.
Even if I have nothing I will find words, I will type them out, I will click on publish.
I won't be afraid of the wrong words, of not enough words, or if other people will judge my words.
I will write.